Essence
by xKingSlayerx
Summary: The Gems want to know what Steven experienced on Homeworld. But Steven refuses to tell them out of spite. Connie can't even get him to talk. But after finally letting his anger out, Steven reluctantly gets past his spite. And not only gets his answers,but learns a shocking truth about himself and someone he loves.
1. Prologue

It has been a crazy and stressful couple of weeks for Steven Universe. He went through a nightmare experience on Homeworld in which he watched his friend Lars die in his arms. He found out that Rose may not have shattered Pink Diamond. And he manages to come back home, only to have more unecessary stress put on him when Connie gets upset with him for giving himself up and doesn't talk to him for a good six days, which stresses him out even further to the point where he has a breakdown. But it's the secrecy of the Gems that is the base of this story.


	2. Chapter 2: You don't understand

Steven was on the phone that night with Connie. Ever since they had recently made up from their disagreement, Connie wanted to be around Steven as much as possible when she wasn't in school or doing homework. She made him promise to call her and check in everyday (Something which, surprisingly, he was ok with and the Gems(specifically Garnet) would remind him of in case he forgot). It was pretty obvious that Connie had feelings for Steven,(He felt the same way about her) but some might say she has become almost like his personal shadow, in a way. "So that's what happened while you were on Homeworld.", Connie explained over the phone, detailing the events that occured during Steven's abscence. "Wow. Lapis was really worried about me. She even blamed Peridot for my being taken.", Steven said in a voice that was half amazed, but also half sad. He couldn't believe that Lapis, as bitter as she normally was, would show so much concern for him, even going so far as to blame Peridot. It just showed him how much he means to everyone, including the person he is talking to now. And when he gave himself up to Homeworld as a way of protecting his friends, they all thought they'd never see him again. "Lapis wasn't the only one angry at Peridot. When Pearl found out that Peridot was the one who gave that list of human names to Aquamarine, she lost it big-time. She would've shattered Peridot if Garnet and Amethyst didn't hold her back. Everybody was broken hearted because you were gone, Steven.", Connie said, almost sounding like she was about to cry on the phone, just remembering that horrible day. Steven was quiet for a minute, but then said, "Connie..I'm sorry I worried all of you. I...just felt like I had to end it all. If you really knew what was going through my mind that day when I was getting on that ship...". "Then tell me then!" Connie said, defintely sounding like she was in tears now on the phone. " Why do you push people away? Don't you understand that we care about you? You are always putting others before yourself and that's one of the things that makes me love you so much!" Steven gasped. _Did she just say she...loves me?_ He thought to himself. "But it's also your greatest flaw at the same time. You can be too caring and at times when you should value yourself, you don't. Honestly, I care about you, Steven. I love how you show so much love to everyone and treat everyone with such kindness. But sometimes, I wish you were more...selfish. More colder. More cynical." She said, which shocked Steven. "I...just..nevermind." Steven said, knowing well enough that there was nothing he could say that would be more accurate then what Connie just said. She was right: He was too loving and caring. Maybe he wasn't selfish or cynical enough. Maybe he did need to start thinking of himself more and show a bit of a colder side, especially considering what he goes through on a regular basis. "Steven? Are you OK? Are you still there?" Connie asked, which snapped Steven back to reality. "I'm still here, Connie." He replied, which, unbeknowst to him, made Connie smile. She was so happy to have him back and just be talking to him again. Her best friend. Her Jam Bud. "Steven? Can..I tell you something? I may have said it earlier, but I don't think you heard me." "What is it?" Steven asked, even though he had a pretty good idea. "Steven, I..love you. I always have, since the day we met and you saved me. You were my first friend and the first one to truly make me feel special and accepted." Connie said. Steven didn't know what to say. He had been through so much shit the past couple of weeks that he had grown pretty much numb to everything. He had grown immune to empathy in a way. Not that he didn't care, but it's that at 14 years old, he had experienced and been through so much chaos, had faced death so many times, had to watch people he loved get hurt, and had been hurt himself, physically, mentally, and emotinally. While it was pretty obvious that Connie could never fully understand what Steven goes through, she was willing to try, so he had to give her credit for that. His thoughts were disrupted by Connie's voice saying, "Steven? I...didn't mean to make you uncomfortable..I..can understand if you don't...feel the same about me." She said, with a bit of sadness in her voice. "No..it's not that, Connie..it's..just that I..have a lot of thinking to do. I've...got a lot on my mind after everything that took place on Homeworld. I...found out some things about my Mom from the Diamonds. And I learned a new power." "What new power did you learn?" Connie asked. "When me and Lars were fighting a group of robonids, he ended up dying. But I brought him back to life..with my tears." Steven explained. Connie was in shock on the other line."You..resurrected him?!? I'm glad he's alright and I'm sure Sadie is as well. But that's amazing, Steven! You're amazing! Do the Gems know about this?" She asked, knowing that Peridot could build a ship to get them all to Homeworld. "No. They don't. There's a way to get back to Homeworld without the need of a ship." Steven said with a touch of bitterness in his voice. "When I brought Lars back to life, he became like Lion. His hair became a portal and that's how I got home. Which is why I wasn't eager to talk about it when I came home. I knew how I got back. Lars had to die for me to come back to Earth! Another human had to die! And I had to watch him die in my arms! I had to experience all that, Connie!" The Gems had heard Steven yelling on the phone and had come to see what was wrong. "Steven...I had no idea.." Connie tried to say. "Of couse you didn't! You stormed off! You or the Gems didn't even try to understand!" Steven yelled with a fury he hadn't felt before. But it felt good. He felt good getting this off his chest. Connie was silent on the other line. Steven calmed down. "I'll...talk to you tomorrow, Connie. Bye." Steven hung up the phone. He noticed the Gems prescence and just glared at them. "Steven..." Pearl started to say. " Pearl...just don't. Anything you say to me right now is just going to make me even more angry." Steven said. The Gems started to walk down the stairs back to their rooms. But before she left, Garnet looked at Steven. " Steven...I just want you to know that we love you, no matter what. I won't make you tell us what you found out from the Diamonds, but it would really show me something about you if you did. Good night, Steven."

With that, she left, leaving Steven alone with his thoughts. But all he could think about was one thing: They have lied to him most of his life and kept him in the dark. So, shouldn't he do the same to them? "I don't owe them an explanation for anything." Steven said and went to sleep.

(Had to redo this chapter because of how I typed it. It was a mess. Let me know what you think! See ya next chapter!)


	3. Spite

(Note: I had to redo chapter 2 because of the typing in it. It was an illegible mess of words that I had to fix. So if you wonder why it has a different title and a bunch of other changes, that's why. Anyway, on to chapter 3!)

Steven woke up the next morning, still angry. But at the same time, he felt satisfied. He was glad he said that to Connie and he didn't plan on telling the Gems anything. His thoughts were soon disturbed by a nasally "Good morning, Steven!" and two green arms hugging him from behind. "Oh, good morning, Peridot." Steven replied, though not with as much enthusiasm as the green Gem. The truth is he was angry at her too. He still remembered how she tricked him into giving her the list of human names, which led to recent events. Peridot had a part in this as well in what Steven had to go through on Homeworld, yet she was acting like everything was fine between them. Steven was starting to believe Lapis was originally right about Peridot: She WAS selfish. She WAS only out for herself. Steven was not as wise to things back then when Peridot tricked him like he is now(due to him still being about 12 or 13 at the time). " Are you alright, Steven? You don't seem like yourself." Peridot asked her friend, who, in her mind, was someone she loved and admired after all he had done for her, though she has never told him that to his face. Steven didn't respond: He just fixed himself a bowl of cereal and ate his breakfast in silence. Peridot looked at him and wondered what was wrong. _Was it something I did?_ She thought to herself. She thought it might be best to just leave him alone, so she headed outside for a walk on the beach. _Good, she's gone._ Steven thought to himself. Suddenly, the warp pad went off and The Gems appeared, much to the chagrin of Steven, who really didn't feel like being bothered with any questions about anything. " Good morning, Steven. Did you sleep well?" Pearl asked in a soft, sweet, motherly voice which Steven was beginning to hate because of how fake it seemed to him at times. When he didn't respond, Garnet said, " Steven? Pearl asked you a question." " Yeah, dude, I know you heard her. It's impossible not to hear her squawking!" Amethyst joked, which caused Pearl to give her a dirty look. Steven glared at them. He couldn't take this anymore. He pulled out his phone to call his dad to let him know he was coming to see him at the Car Wash, but saw he had a voice message from Connie. He played it: _Steven, If you're getting this message now, then you're probably just waking up to start your day. I'll be over there to see you after school so we can talk. Emphasis on "We". Love you, bye.*message ends*_

Steven groaned. As if I didn't already have enough on my mind!" He said bitterly. "She sounds concerned about you, Steven." Pearl commented, which frustrated him even more. It just seemed like Pearl's voice alone could set him off at any minute! "I'm going to see Dad. I..just need some time to think. I'll be back before Connie gets here." Steven told the Gems and left without saying anything. "Geez, he could have at least said, "bye" or See you later" or something instead of just walking out like that. I don't know what happened to him on Homeworld, but it must've been bad for him to be like this." Amethyst said with both concern for Steven's well being as well as annoyance because of his rudeness, which is uncommon for him. "Why do you think he won't tell us what happened to him? It could be important." Pearl asked. "I can't say. But I do know he is doing this out of spite." Garnet pointed out. "Hopefully, Greg can talk to him and get him to open up. I hate seeing Steven like this." Amethyst said with a bit of sadness in her voice.

(End of Chapter 3. See ya next chapter!)


	4. Father-Son talk

(Sorry for the long wait. Been real busy the past couple of days. Anyway, this chapter will be based around Steven and Greg having a father-son moment. I wanted to add this in and make Greg the catalyst for why Steven eventually tells the Gems what happened instead of some crappy emotional moment with Connie or the Gems. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy and again, sorry for the long wait!)

Steven walked to the Car Wash to see his Dad. Sometimes it felt like Greg was the only one who could get through to Steven. It has been that way for as long as anyone could rememeber. Greg may not be an expert in Gem matters, but he is an expert at the most important thing: Being a good father to his son. And that is what Steven needed right then. He didn't need Pearl breathing down his neck or Connie bombarding him with questions. He needed to have a Father-Son talk with his old man. Steven arrived at the Car Wash, and for the first time in a while, smiled. "Dad!" Steven called out to his father. "Hey Schtooball!" Greg replied as Steven hugged him. "What brings you here?" Greg asked his son. "I...just needed to get away..from..well you know." Steven replied with slight bitterness in his voice. "Let me guess: The Gems are giving you a hard time?" Greg inquired. "They want to know what happened on Homeworld, but after everything they've lied to me about, why should I?" Steven responded. Greg put an arm around his son. In his mind, Steven didn't need all this stress. He never asked for it. He was born into it. Greg was glad his son came to vent to him, but also knew what to say. "Steven, I know the Gems have lied to you countless times. Maybe a bit too much. I also believe that a lot of things wouldn't happen to you if they were more up front with you about things."Greg admitted, which caused Steven to smile. "But, you also know very well that two wrongs don't make a right. I don't like the fact that they keep info from you. But I don't want you doing that as well, especially if it's out of spite. Be the bigger person and tell them the truth. Who knows? They may recognize that as a sign of your maturity." Greg said. Steven thought about it for a minute and said, " All right. I'll tell them." "That's my boy." Greg said. As Steven left, Greg called out to him. "Steven?" "Yeah Dad?", Steven replied. "Don't hold back. Tell them exactly how you feel." Greg said with a serious look on his face. Steven nodded and went back to the temple.

(See ya next chapter!)


	5. Two wrongs don't make a right

(Well, here it is: Steven finally lets Garnet and Pearl know how he feels and trust me: he holds nothing back, especially towards Garnet. Will this bring them all closer or make him feel even more distant from them? Read on to find out.)

Still thinking about what his father said, Steven arrived back to the temple to find The Gems, as well as Connie, waiting for him. All of them had looks of concern on their faces. Steven just glared at them all. He knew what this was about. "Steven..." Pearl started to say. "No! Not this time, Pearl!" snapped Steven, shocking the whole room. " You think I'm clueless, don't you?!? You really think I don't know what this is about?!? It's about what happened on Homeworld, isn't it?!?" Steven was going off, but he didn't care. Not anymore. Not after everything that has happened and what he had to witness and experience. He was sick of keeping calm and being nice. "You guys have no problem keeping secrets from me, but I know something that you don't and you expect me to tell you?!? After all the times you've lied to me?!? Why should I tell any of you anything?!? " Steven, we only did that to protect you..." Garnet started to say. "Just stop it, Garnet! Stop lying to me! If you were trying to protect me, why didn't you tell me about Blue Diamond so I would know to avoid her that day? If you had been up front with me, instead of being afraid, Dad wouldn't have gotten captured! We would have never gone to Korea and saw Blue Diamond! It's your fault for being too afraid!!! It's your fault that Dad was captured!!! " Garnet said nothing. Because Steven was right. Every word was true. Garnet knew that her cowardice is what got Greg captured. "And Pearl, you are the last one who should be trying to get info out of me! You have lied to me so many times! I don't owe you any explanation on anything!" Steven snapped at the tall Pale Gem, who looked to be on the verge of tears. Steven calmed down and began to walk outside, but was stopped by Connie. "Steven, let's go outside." She suggested. The two of them walked outside. She began to speak. "Listen, I know...that you have been through a lot. And maybe you are right. Maybe you don't owe the Gems an explanation." " I don't. Not after the way they..." Steven was stopped by Connie putting her hands on his face. " But...what about me?" She asked while looking into Steven's eyes. "Connie..." Steven began. "Listen. Do it for me. For us. Not for them. Two wrongs don't make a right. They were wrong for lying to you for so long, but you are wrong for being spiteful, because that isn't you. That isn't the boy I love. Or did you lie when you said you loved me before you left?" Steven was quiet for a minute and thought. He did love Connie. He was angry, but he knew that what his dad said earlier and what Connie is saying now is true. Two wrongs don't make a right. Steven knew what he had to do. He didn't want to. But he had to. " All right, Connie. I'll tell you all what happened." " That's the boy I love." Connie said with a smile and as Steven was about to open the door, Connie did something he didn't expect: She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush. Steven looked at her. She looked so beautiful to him. He was so enamored with her that he didn't notice the sound of snickering coming from the other side of the door. A _very_ familiar snickering from a certain purple Gem.


	6. Reconciliation and Revelation

(Before I begin, let me clear up a few things: I have seen the show. I know Steven never gets this angry. He should, but he doesn't. I made him like this because I wanted to give people an idea what he no doubt thinks and feels about being lied to for his entire life and his frustration and possibly hatred towards the Gems because of it. Yes, he has been lashing out a LOT in this story, but put yourself in Steven's shoes and tell me you wouldn't lash out when you find out that everything you grew up believing may be a lie. Everything that Steven goes through in the show isn't his fault, despite the opinions of most fans. It's his mother's fault. But nobody wants to admit that. Anyway, on to the chapter.)

Steven and Connie walk back into the temple, hand in hand. The Gems are looking at them, amazed, but still hurt after Steven's scathing words from earlier. "Steven wants to tell you all something." Connie said to the Gems. "First let me say this: I only got angry because I'm fed up with a lot of things. People are trying to kill me for something I wasn't alive to see. I've had to watch all of you get hurt in some way or another. I have been through so much and you actually wonder why I just breakdown sometimes? But the worst thing is this: None of you understand. You never have and you never will! You constantly talk about how great Mom was, which makes me feel even worse! She's the reason I go through what I go through! You always want me to live up to her! You never let me be myself! Don't you get how messed up I am because of her?!? Because of the three of you?!? How can you pretend to understand if you constantly blame me for existing?!?" Steven snapped. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were speechless. They couldn't believe Steven really believed that. That he believed that everything that they have ever said about loving him and caring about him was a lie. Amethyst couldn't control herself anymore. She grabbed Steven and wrapped him in a hug. Steven was surprised by this sudden display of affection from her. Soon, the other two Gems, as well as Connie, joined in the hug. "Steven...no matter what we have said, no matter how much we admire and miss your mother, don't you EVER think that means we don't love you." Garnet said tearfully. Steven could tell his words from earlier really hurt her. But it was just how he felt. "Steven, while it's true that we do miss your mother and we have never chosen our words wisely around you, there's not a day that goes by that we don't thank her for bringing you into our lives. We love you, Steven. We need you to believe that." Steven then felt bad about everything he had said to the Gems earlier. He soon had tears in his eyes as well and said to The Gems, his family, "I love you all too." After what seemed like an eternity of an embrace, they all finally separated and Steven tells them the truth. "I found out that I can bring back people from the dead with my tears. Lars got killed while we were fighting robonoids and I brought him back to life, just like Mom did Lion." The Gems were amazed. Steven finally used his healing tears. Pearl was a bit disappointed because she wasn't there to see it for herself, but she was proud of Steven, nonetheless. "Continue, Steven" Garnet told him. "Well, I also found out...that Mom may have been framed for Pink Diamond's murder." "What?!? Rose may not have shattered Pink?!? Who the heck told you that, Steven?!?" Amethyst asked in pure shock. "Blue Diamond. She said that Pink was shattered with a sword." "But what about..?" Connie began to ask while motioning to Rose's Sword she was holding. "Mom's sword wasn't made to shatter Gems. Only poof them. A Gem named Bismuth told me that. That's why it couldn't have been the sword that killed Pink Diamond. It had to be another Gem with a Sword.", Steven explained to Connie. "But other than Pearl, what other Gems do you know use a sword as a weapon, Steven?" Connie asked him. While everybody else was trying to process this new information, Pearl was very quiet. Steven noticed it and asked,"Pearl, are you OK? You're being really quiet for some reason." "Yeah, P. You look even paler than usual!" Amethyst joked. Pearl didn't say anything and just walked into her room, leaving everyone confused as well as a bit suspicious. "Is Pearl OK, Garnet?" Steven asked the fusion. "Don't worry about, Pearl. She'll be fine. But let me say this: I'm very proud of you, Steven. I'm proud of you for getting past your anger towards us and telling us this because this changes a lot of things we once believed. Rose would be proud of you, as well." Garnet said with a smile, which caused Steven to blush. "Yeah dude. That was real mature of you." Amethyst said before wrapping Steven in a bear hug. "MAH BABY IS GROWING UP SO FAST!" She jokingly exclaimed while pretending to cry. " Come on, Amethyst. Not in front of Connie!" Steven said while laughing and blushing at the same time. Connie just looked at him and smiled. The Steven she knew and loved was back...for now, at least...

(Why did Pearl leave like that? See ya next chapter to find out!)


	7. The Truth

(Just a quick note: This chapter will contain my theory on Pink Diamond's murder as well as Steven's connection to her. Come up with your own theories in the comment section and let me know what you think of mine. On with the chapter!)

Steven was sitting in his room, watching TV. Connie was at school and said they would hang out afterwards. Lion was sleeping next to him, happy that his master was back to his old self again and back home. For the first time in a while, Steven was at peace. He apologized to the Gems, including Peridot, who still didn't know what he was angry about to begin with, but was glad to see him happy and smiling again,regardless. But the one thing that had been on his mind since telling The Gems what happened has been Pearl's reaction to it: It wasn't a reaction at all. She had the look of someone who was hiding a dark and terrible secret. Steven could still see her shocked look in his mind. Almost like he wasn't supposed to know that his Mom had possibly been framed for murder. _Why would she be the only one who reacted like that?_ Steven thought to himself. _Garnet and Amethyst were shocked, but they handled it way better than Pearl did. If I didn't know any better, I would say that Pearl was the one who...no! Pearl would never do that! I've been around her for too long! She's like a second mother to me! She'd never..._ "Steven, are you all right?" Garnet asked, interuppting his thoughts. She had came in the room while Steven was thinking to himself. "I'm fine, Garnet. Just..thinking about Pearl's reaction to what I told you guys yesterday about Mom. I thought about asking her about it when she was calmer and by herself. But I know you wouldn't let me do it." Steven said to his fusion mother. Even though he could probably talk to Pearl on his own, he didn't want to go against Garnet's orders out of both love and respect. "Well, Steven, you are right. I wouldn't let you do that...by yourself." Steven looked confused. "What do you mean?" He asked, hoping she was saying what he thought she was saying. Garnet smiled at the excitement on her boy's face. It was a look she thought she'd never see again, due to everything that had happened. "Well, Steven, after what you told us and after what you went through on Homeworld, I think it's time you got the answers you have been looking for. But Amethyst and I will be with you. For your sake and Pearl's." As if on cue, Amethyst came up the stairs. "You rang?" She said in her normal, Amethyst way. Before Garnet could answer, Steven hugged them both tightly, thanking them repeatedly. Amethyst smiled at Steven and looked at Garnet. "I guess you told him already." She said. Garnet nodded in reply. "When are we doing this?" Steven asked after he calmed down. "Right now. Pearl is still in her room and this would be the perfect time." Garnet replied. "Let's go see her then." Steven said. The three of them went in Pearl's room and found her dancing on her fountain. "Oh, hello, everyone! What are you all doing in here?" She asked as if nothing was wrong. "Pearl, it's time you told the truth." Garnet said. Pearl looked shocked. "But, Garnet! Steven is here! He might...?" Garnet put up a hand to silence her. _I might what? What is she hiding? And what is she worried I might do?_ Steven thought to himself. "Pearl, Steven deserves to know the truth. When he told us about his dream about Pink Diamond, I only told him to calm down because I had hoped you would tell me the truth eventually, so I could be the one who would tell him. But you never did and that is why we are at this point now." Garnet explained. Pearl sighed, knowing she had no choice. And really, Garnet was right. Pearl looked at Steven, the boy who has become like a son to her. She knew he loved her, but did he still trust her? She loved him so much, even though she did a terrible job showing it at times. "Steven. I will tell you truth. The reason you had that dream about Pink Diamond is because...she's part of you." "What? But Mom was a Rose Quartz!" Steven said, clearly in shock. "Well, yes and no. True, your mother was a Rose Quartz, but she was a very special one. Pink Diamond made her personally. And when she did, she put some of her essence in Rose. So, your mother had the traits, powers, abilites and skills of both a Rose Quartz Gem as well as a Diamond. You inherited that essence from her, Steven. You have the abilties of not only a Quartz Gem, but a Diamomd as well and you don't even know it. You even have telekinesis as one of those abilities as well as the power to heal shattered Gems. But there's a downside as well: Diamond Rage." "What's Diamond Rage?" Steven asked her. " It is a state the Diamonds go in if they feel anger or rage. It is similar to corruption in that it transforms the body. But it eventually wears off once calm." Pearl explained. Steven was amazed. He could do all these things this entire time? Telekinesis? Healing shattered Gems? "Why didn't you tell me I had telekinesis before? That would have come in handy many times." Steven asked. Pearl smiled and said, "Because we couldn't have you throwing things around with it when you were upset, now could we?" "Actually, the thought of Steven throwing people around and going on a rampage with his telekinesis sounds _really_ cool." Amethyst joked, which caused Garnet to give her a look. " This is great! I can't wait to start training and learning how to use it!" Steven said in excitement. "I'm glad to hear that, Steven. I'm sure Connie will be glad to hear that as well." Pearl said with a smile that quickly disappeared. "But there is one last thing I have to tell you, Steven. It's...very important and I hope it doesn't change anything between us.", She said. "What is it?" asked Steven. Pearl took a deep breath. "Steven...Your mother didn't shatter Pink Diamond." Everyone was quiet. If Rose didn't shatter Pink, then who did? Garnet looked at Pearl, her second-in-command and her long time friend, hoping that she wasn't about to say what she thought she was going to say. "Pearl. Who shattered Pink Diamond? Please tell me the future I see is wrong." Pearl looked tearfully at Steven and said, "Steven. I love you. I want you to know that. But...I am the reason that everything bad has happened to you. I am the reason why Homeworld is after you. I am the reason for all this."

Steven had a look of pure dread on his face. "Pearl..you didn't..." Pearl sadly nodded and said, "Yes, Steven. I shattered Pink Diamond."

(Dun Dunn Dunnnn! See ya next chapter!)


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